Wednesday, September 28, 2011


I went to lunch with a good friend yesterday, and afterwards, had to nurse Paloma in my car before going to pick up Ava from school. I brought Paloma to the front seat with me and for probably the tenth time that day so far, we began our little ritual. For Paloma, nursing consists of feeding, laughing, cooing and making mommy's heart melt with her river rock colored eyes. We talk and sing and hold hands. It is truly something to behold and we are quite the nursing pair.

While Paloma was nursing and watching me ever so closely, as she always does, i had one of those baby love moments. My heart swelled up with love, my chest got tight, and i started to cry. I cried crocodile tears with a smile on my face, and i may have even sobbed through a verse or two of  "Baby Mine." I sat there and shamlessly endulged in all the love i was feeling for my sweet girl. I had myself a baby love cry, and baby love cries are the best kind of cries. Baby love cries are what makes being a mommy to a new little one so wonderful.

My most vivid memories of being a new mommy to Ava are those of me nursing her and crying because i could not  contain the love i felt. And surprisingly enough when Paloma was born, i was very angry because i thought i was going to be cheated out of these moments with my littlest girl. I distinctly remember being especially upset over this.

 I am now happy to report however, that Paloma has been witness to more than her fair share of baby love cries.

I realised while sitting in the parking lot of Panera bread, nursing my baby and crying, that really and truly it is all about love. That love is this big all encompassing force that if you let it will come in and make the world right again. That love will explain away any worries of the future and allow healing over the past. I realized that i had found on my own, what i so desperately needed someone to tell me during those first two days in the hospital, that i love Paloma and she loves me and because we love each other, we are going to be just fine. And it sounds so simple now putting it into words............

 but of course we all know that love is anything but simple. 

So for me, when i think over how far i've come, and i picture it all swirling around together some how making up the past five months and three weeks, the one thing that seems to bind it all together is love.....

sweet baby love.....

and lots and lots of baby love cries.


  1. I knew you would love your littlest girl beyond all you ever hoped for or could possibly imagine! :) I love the post!

  2. This so touching. I'm so happy that you've arrived at this wonderful point. Paloma is beautiful. And so is her Mom ;-)