Sunday, September 11, 2011

By any other name...

I like words..... I like the way that one or two unexpectedly put together can create poetry. I like words that make you feel and remember and laugh and ache. I like words, and i like knowing the meaning behind them, be it purposeful or suggested. I like words, and I used to like putting them to music....but that is another post.

Laying in bed tonight with Ava as she fell asleep, i started to think about Paloma and where we fit into this whole new world of ours. I started to get pissed about Holland again and some way or another i started to think about whether it was true or not, if really and truly the pain would never, ever, ever go away. ......Was Paloma indeed never allowed to see Rome?

And then i laughed.... out loud.

Because i remembered......

Sophia Loren...........

Enter my girls Ava Loren and Paloma Sophia....

Yes i named my girls after an Italian icon, yes i did it on purpose and yes this makes me happy in my heart right now.

Tonight Sophia Loren has become a patron saint of sorts over my two sleeping girls.
My two starlets....and proof that we have a little bit of Italia in our lives after all.

Paloma: "Dove"
After Paloma was born, i did not want to name her Paloma. I did not want to call her Paloma Sophia Jane. I thought that the name Paloma belonged to another little girl, the little girl that i thought i was getting. I had held the name, tucked away in my heart since Ava was only days old. I used to sing her to sleep with a Mexican folk song called Cuucuurruucucu Paloma. That song like no other reached into my heart the first time i heard it........ and broke it.

I wondered toward the end of my pregnancy if i named her Paloma, if she would also break my heart.....

 My sweet baby dove, you were always my Paloma.

 Paloma Harriett Jane.......your great grandma.

Jane: "God's Gift"

Paloma Sophia Jane.....

I did not know the meaning of the name Jane until after i had Paloma. I lost My grandma five months before Paloma was born. She left us holding my hand. Words can not express the love i have for my grandma. Although she never meant Paloma on earth, she knew Paloma was coming, and i like to think that they had five months together to hug and kiss and play. I miss my grandma, and i talk to her every single day.

And as i type i am curled up in this same green and white blanket and yes it still smells like her. (thanks mom)

One day this blanket will belong to Paloma.......because i know my grandma would have loved her like crazy..... that she loves her like crazy.

So there you have it. A name, a few unsuspecting words, that together make me feel, remember, laugh and ache.

Paloma Sophia hell of a name for one hell of a gal:)


  1. Yes, Grandma would be so proud... and I am sure she and Paloma got to know one another quite well before Paloma's mission on this earth began. :) Who knows... she may even be her guardian angel!

  2. Wow, April, this made me cry! I too was hesitant to give Cora the name we had picked when she was born. I thought that she couldn't be my Cora. And that is probably my guiltiest memory from her birth. This is a beautiful, beautiful post. I lost my Grandma after Cora was born but before she got to meet her. So it's poignant for me there too. And Paloma is a beauty!