As many of you may know, today is 3.21....World Down syndrome day....for three copies of the twenty first chromosome....a day that had past me by thirty one times until Paloma...a day that on it's thirty third pass i was finally at a place to celebrate....and celebrate i did...in my own way...with virtual friends...real life friends....with family...with people whom i have never met, states away....we celebrated.
I had originally planed some type of epic blog about how for me awareness is more in noticing the miracle of a baby that can eat a pea and pass it freely through her rerouted GI track, than in national campaigns....or that the beauty and wonder i wake up to everyday has brought more awareness and beauty to my life and enriched me in ways beyond measure......but of course i am aware....i am her mother.....
Good morning beautiful.....
So i decided...no pre planned blog...no agenda....just a stream of conscious that may or not make sense........no editing....no re-reading.....so here it goes....
Last night, when i decided to just sit down and write what ever came to my mind...i panicked a little...i wondered if anything that i had to say really mattered to anyone else...and that maybe i should be more focused on the big picture..... and changing the world on a day like today....but...instead i thought about my little world...and if i had been able to make an impact...if i had done my job at home, with my own daughter...my family...if my friends..many who had known and loved people with Down syndrome....learned a little more...had a little more happiness...grown a little somewhere inside because they have watched Paloma grow into a thriving toddler before their eyes....or on a computer screen...
I had originally planed some type of epic blog about how for me awareness is more in noticing the miracle of a baby that can eat a pea and pass it freely through her rerouted GI track, than in national campaigns....or that the beauty and wonder i wake up to everyday has brought more awareness and beauty to my life and enriched me in ways beyond measure......but of course i am aware....i am her mother.....
Good morning beautiful.....
So i decided...no pre planned blog...no agenda....just a stream of conscious that may or not make sense........no editing....no re-reading.....so here it goes....
Last night, when i decided to just sit down and write what ever came to my mind...i panicked a little...i wondered if anything that i had to say really mattered to anyone else...and that maybe i should be more focused on the big picture..... and changing the world on a day like today....but...instead i thought about my little world...and if i had been able to make an impact...if i had done my job at home, with my own daughter...my family...if my friends..many who had known and loved people with Down syndrome....learned a little more...had a little more happiness...grown a little somewhere inside because they have watched Paloma grow into a thriving toddler before their eyes....or on a computer screen...
And then i thought that i would ask my friends and family to tell me how and if they have grown or become more aware in any way.....and i planned on blogging late into the night...but then Paloma fell asleep in my arms...and in that moment...i decided to slip into bed with both of my babies....and that before i could blog about 3.21...i had to live 3.21....and for me awareness in that moment was the fact that i was in the moment...and i was holding a beautiful baby......
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...where i am going with all of this? Honestly.....i do not know.....i know that because of Paloma i am a better person, i am a stronger person, i am closer to God, i am closer to myself......i have been to what felt like the gates of hell with Paloma.....i have suffered..i have cried...i have felt jealousy, self pity....and self doubt....but as a friend so eloquently put it.." You have to commit yourself on a grand scale, dive off the deep end, go to the end of the universe if need be, and you have to be brave." and i have done those things, and i have been to those places, and i am brave....and also all the while..i have been aware...and i may not have changed the world yet..but Paloma has changed my world...and i will forever fight to change hers....
and if anything...today showed me that the world is changing.....so what do you say? Who is with me on this beautiful journey in loving this precious little person? And who knows......we just might make it to the end of the universe.....
